Monday, August 31, 2009

What's going on in da Ozarks?

ollie...."It's my turn!"
biped...."No, it's my turn!"
annie...."Quit fighting you two and come to bed."

biped...."Grrrr that Shokei is brutal."
smudge...."Turn dat noisy thing off!"

biped...ollie...."ooops, sorry, giggle giggle."

How's our California Kitties doing?

annie...."We's worried about da kitties in from California. We sure wish they'd check in wif us and let us know dat they're safe from da mean fires."

Design Star Tip!

biped....."I know it was quite upsetting. What was the most upsetting thing about this week's show? I mean besides the %$4,900 ish on plants. $4,900ish on a mini play house/swing set for a 3 year old, $10,600ish for a gazebo (that really wasn't a gazebo), and another $5,000 + on lawn furniture and BBQ.

For me, it was the $2,000ish that they spent on BAMBOO plants. What were they thinking! What was Vern thinking when he said that it was a great idea. About 18 months from now, those people's neighbors are going to sue them because that bamboo has escaped and is now eating the corner off their house. It will cost the home owners another $30,000.00 to settle all the lawsuits and to remove the stuff."

biped...."Oh and for da Design star tip, I suggest dat none of dem give up their day job."

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Temptation Overload?

Temptation Therapy

biped...."There are no pet therapists in the Ozarks. I'm not sure there are any in the state for that matter. Sheesh is my feral tuxie, sister to the luv muffin Heesh. I've had both for about ten years and they are night and day when it comes to personalities."

biped...."In this "before" photo you can see the fear in Sheesh's eyes. For ten years she's "existed" in a fearful limbo where she dreaded any form of contact, either physical or verbal. Reach out to touch her and she would cringe and slink away. Speak to her, and an observer would think that she'd been struck with a barb-wire whip. Eye contact? You can forget that too. If she saw you looking at her she'd panic because a look might mean that you'd approach to pet her. We'd joke about her being part bat because she spent most of her time under the bed, only to come out at night."

biped...."So Eightish weeks ago I started keeping a bag of Temptations on my desk and started Temptation Therapy on Miss Sheesh. For the first few weeks not much progress was made (except for all the other cats became my best moochy friends). Then about a week ago Sheesh started meowing at me. She wouldn't let me touch her, but she'd walk to the end of the bed and ask for her treat. When I'd turn and face her she'd let me speak to her and would even answer back."

biped..."And then about week seven, Sheesh discovered that she could PLAY! (Thank you Island Kitties for all those catnip toys). We do have a little more work to do on teaching Sheesh to share."

biped...."And then this week, the bestest miracle happened. Sheesh allowed us to "touch" her. She actually came up to us seeking a touch with no Temptation bribes needed. (ok, she probably wanted some)."

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Thursday Design Tips....Da Ozark Mountain Way

biped....."It has come to my attention, that sum peoples don't know how to accessorize their homes. So we'all decided to do a weekly post on our bloggie. By posting it on Thursday, we's hoping dat those design stars will get sum good ideas for their Sunday show. So here's today's tip:

Always provide a shelf area in da bathroom so your cat can snupervise things like shaving, showering, tooth brushing, etc. Speaking of tooth brushing, be sure dat your feline friend doesn't get little splecks of tooth paste on him while you brush."

Monday, August 24, 2009

Mean Biped

smudge...."You're not going to use dat picture are you? Remember it was a reject."

biped...."Hmmmm, I don't remember it being a reject. You look cute."

smudge...."I look like grandma when she forgets where she put her teeth the night before."

biped...."snicker, you do look like a little ole man., speaking of which I tink I'll use this one too."

smudge....."Oh no! You're not going to put up DAT picture?! Dat would be mean."
biped....."Its not mean. I told him dat hill was awful steep when he went down it. Plus he looks so cute crawling up da hill on his hands and knees."

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Silly ManCat

ollie...."See biped! I can touch my nose wif my tongue!"

biped...."I decided dat today would be Silly Monday cuz on Design Star last night there was a silly boy child. (Daisy quit reading till you've watched da program)."

biped...."Da designers had to decorate kids bedrooms and one of them drew a 5 year old boy. When asked what color he wanted his room painted the little boy said, "spagetti". We're disapointed in da silly judges again. One of them criticized da designer for painting da room the color that the client wanted. And den da silly Vern Yip criticized da neat recycled head board."

heesh...."I wonder what Mr. Yip would say about da biped's "floral" arrangement that's made wif a broken drive shaft (part of a car) that has an old thisle and stalk of dried okra in it."

Friday, August 21, 2009

Saturday in da Ozarks

Can you quess what this sweet little kitty is thinking about?

She couldn't be trying to figure out how to wap da doggie, could she?

Silly question.... She twirled, she dangled off da edge of da bed wif footsies pawing da air, den she dribbled Temptashun crumbs all over da bed and backed up about a foot.

Da moment Angel reached for da food Sheesh pounced and wap wap wap..

And the Answer is!

biped...."Most likely the answer is D. We're not absolutely sure that Smudge is trying to hypnotize his sisfur but it sure looks like it."

Heesh...."Princess has been a member of the family for over 10 years now and is VERY protective of da biped. Every morning grandma has to sneak by da door to da biped's room, being sure to stay as far away as possible to keep Princess from growling at her. When she first came to live wif us she was very scared and threatened to put da bitey on everyone but da biped and Grandma. Da rescue people said dat she needed to work on "socialization" but it was really hard because she wanted to have nuffin to do wif people. About four months after she moved in da biped took her and grandma to da ocean. It was a beautiful place wif benches along a walkway and very few people. Da biped and Princess was sitting on a bench watching da waves when dis strange looking woman walked up and sat down on da end of the bench. Da biped shortened da leash so Princess couldn't put da bitey on da lady and before she could say anything da lady scooted right up next to Princess, leaned over and said, "How's your day going beautiful?" Princess turned and smiled at da lady and gave her a big kiss. Da lady stood up and said, "Have a nice life!, and then embarrassed she turned back and said to da biped, "Oh, and you too." "Da biped said dat da lady must of been a "socialization Angel" cuz Princess was much better after dat, except for men, loud children, and black doggies."

Multiple choice Question

A.. Is Smudge trying to hypnotize Princess?
B.. Is Princess guarding da biped?
C.. Is Smudge trying to get up nerve to sneak by Princess?
D.. All of the above.

Check back later today to see if you quessed correctly.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

CAT vs DOG in da Ozarks!

smudge...."hmmmm, do you think I'm brave enough, close enough to wap da doggie?"

annie...."I tink you need to grow a longer arm or lose some of dat belly if you're going to wap her."

smudge...."Maybe this would work."
annie...."Good way to become a three legged cat."

smudge....."WAP! WAP!giggle, giggle, giggle"


******more wapping followed by more grrrs

biped....."you'd be a lot scarier if you didn't wag your tail while you growled at da kitties."

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Early Fall in da Ozarks

biped....."We wandered around da yard this weekend catching little hints of fall. Check out the color on our Sassafras tree. They're a tree of many uses depending on their size. They are a hardwood so in the "good ole days" (which translated means before the idiots with the big saws came) they used to make baseball bats out of them, and canoes and paddles. From the roots you get the oil that was used to make root beer. In our part of Missouri they are very slow growing because of the poor soil. They are also used for herbal purposes and the cajuns smoke the leaves and grind them up to make a seasoning.

biped...."Another sign of fall is spiders. When we go geocaching Mr. Bill leads the way so he gets caught in the web instead of me."


Monday, August 17, 2009

Toesie Tuesday Interupted....

biped...."I am sorry to say that I can think of nothing new to blog about."

heesh....."What's dat noise I hear?"

biped...."angel? What are you chewing on?"

angel..."nuffin biped., burp."
biped...."Hmmmm Heesh, does this look like our phone line?"

biped...."Angel did you chew up da phone line?"

angel..."No biped. Maybe Sheesh chewed it."
biped...."Hmmm, it's been at least five years since Sheesh ate a telephone line. Or attacked the Christmas tree lights for that matter. I do think you're fibbing. You know if you tell a fib your tongue grows."

heesh...."I thought it was your nose that grew?."
annie...."Shush, she's a dog, she won't know that!"

angel...."Is it going to stay dis way forever?"
heesh...."It will if da biped gets her way. Maybe she could super glue it like dat so you can't chew up anything else."

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Design Star Judges finally get it right!

ollie...."Boy was da biped gripping tonight with the design star contestants. Dey gave dem $10,000 green papers to redo a living room/dining room area and neither room turned out spectacular. Weese think dat they need to hire da biped as an adviser to the contestants. On tonight's show one of da contestants took almost 20 hours to build sumthing ugly. It took him all of one day to just cut da wood. Silly contestant should listen to da biped cuz she goes to Lowes and bats her eyelashes and a cute guy cuts up her boards to da perfect size. Dey usually forget dat she only gets one free cut per board and don't charge her the .25c per cut. She takes da wood home and uses her nail gun ( and her project is done in about two hours."

annie...."Her is da nice cat rest dat she made for us. Once in a while we let her set her sewing machine on it. Dis only cost her $35.00 green papers to make. At least da biped tinks dat dey sent home da right contestant dis week."

Easy Like Sunday Afternoon

heesh....."Da biped says that this plant isn't native to Missouri but we tink dat it is just a Missery weed dat's got it's Sunday finery on!"

annie...."And if you guess dat da biped isn't updating our bloggie because she's out dare doing dat geo stuff you're right. Uncle says she even has a new "handle". She officially know now as "Bug Bait!"

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Missouri Geocats

heesh...."Well its been an exciting but long day. First da buzzy box went off and da grumpy biped got up and took grandma wif her. She picked up uncle and dey headed for da city of Doolittle (snicker). Dey found it ok, but quess what! Dey almost got eaten by a huge chicken."

heesh...."Tank goodness uncle was wif da biped because he wrestled dat chicken to da ground, cut it up and a little resteraunt there cooked it up. Dey were going to bring us home sum, but uncle ate it all."

heesh...."After dey finished off da chicken they went looking for da town of Newburg. They were hunting for "culture" in an old rail road town. It didn't take us long when dey found an old theater that was built in 1918. We'll find out tomorrow if we found the right building."

Heesh...."We is excited because dis weekend da biped is going to help us make treasure so we can trade it. She even bought a big water proof can and we're going to see if we can put it at da animal rescue place."

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Treasure Hunting Thursday

annie...."da biped is taking Uncle Bill geocaching today. And dey are going to an Army Surplus store to shop for ammo boxes (?? are dey going to get guns too?). We didn't think dat dere is any surplus armies anymore and da way da biped is a sucker for a hard luck story we hope dat she don't go and bring home any soldiers (unless dey are good at building cat trees.)"

heesh...."Here's a picture of Uncle Bill when da biped took him geocaching on monday. Dey found a little treasure cannister hidden under a HUGE rock. I'm not sure if I'd want to go geocaching, whatever dat is, cuz to me Uncle really looks kinda water logged. It reminds me of da time the biped thought I needed a bath and tried to drown me in da sink."

heesh..."oh and get dis. Dey are going to a town named Doolittle after sum famous army (?) guy."

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Wolf Cat of da Ozarks

ollie...."Sumone asked if we got our treats for the month. The answer is sort of. We didn't get as big of variety like last month but Temptashuns were on sale so we got a few sacks of them. And get this, instead of spending all her green papers on us (not FAIR,,,not FAIR!) da biped spent them on sumthing called dupioni silk to make a quilt wif. So here's a picture of me getting ready to lecture da biped on da importance of Temptations in a kittie's life when da biped tells us dat part of da green papers for da quilt fabric goes to help people wif bad hearts, so then I feel kinda bad about looking mean at da biped."

ollie...."And quess what da biped did for us! She went to da udder pet store that gives away free samples and got us and da woofies more goodies. OMC! She got a package of WOLF food."

biped...."That's not wolf foo."

heesh...."Da biped put da WOLF food in dumb and dumber's dishes and all of a sudden Ollie sprang to life! He started whapping da doggies and nom'n down da Wolf food."

annie..."We swears dat if da biped hadn't taken away da Wolf food dat Ollie would of morphed all da way into a Wolf."

Friday, August 7, 2009

World Cat Day

heesh...."Woo Hooo, biped, anyone! It's World Cat's Day! Where is my tuna tartar? My caviar. My temptashuns!"

ollie...."They're either still in Springfield or in bed wif da biped."

heesh...."Go in there and wake her up."

ollie...."No way! I still have a concussion from yesterday when she kicked me in da head on da way to her litter box."
heesh...."Hey if she's not awake by 10 am lets send dumb and dumber in there to wake her up."

ollie...."Good idea."

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Temptation Friday

sheesh...."Good News bloggie friends! Da biped is running away to da big city today to buy us da BIG sacks of Temptations. Oh, she did mention sumthing about quilting stores and classes. We sure hope dat she goes to da pet store before da quilt stores so her green papers don't run out."

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

We're Thankful for Temptashuns

heesh...."Faster biped!"
smudge..."You know you don't have to throw them one at a time. Just dump them. We'll share."
tap tap..ollie..."Hey Sheesh is getting more than me."
(you can't see Ollie in the picture cuz he's sitting on the back of my chair. He wants his temptashuns balanced on my shoulder. If I forget him he taps me on da head."

biped...."You can't see but there is at least 10 temptashuns stuck in Heesh's floof. He swears he not a horder but I think he's fibbin."

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Welcome Home to Laura and Euna!

heesh....."Welcome home Laura Ling and Euna Lee! It's a good ting dat Mr. Clinton brought you home cuz I was getting ready to put da bitey on dat mean ole North Korean."

biped..."Laura and Euna are reporters for Current Tv which is owned partially by Al Gore. They have been in a Korean prison since March and were sentenced to 12 years for tresspassing. Current Tv is a neat station where anyone can post videos or report on news. A lot that is reported is quite interesting but wouldn't make it to mainstream tv because it's not "trendy" enough."

Monday, August 3, 2009

Design Star week 3 or the Paw of Doom

heesh...."Ok ladies and gents, do we all agree that one contestant must be teflon coated so she can keep squeaking by? I swear if they don't boot her next week I will use the paw of doom on her."

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Mancat Monday Ozark Style

heesh...."Uh, biped. Do you think dat deese cubes come in mancat size?"
biped...."I believe those are the mancat sized cubes. Actually they're about twice the size of our old one."

heesh...."Uh, biped. Do we have a shoe horn?"
biped...."I don't think they even make shoe horns anymore."

heesh...."Uh biped,?"

heesh..."its following me isn't it?"
biped..."yes, snicker"
heesh..."Uh biped, you're not going to show those pictures and then tell your friends how I got stuck in da cube and had to be pried out of it."
biped..."Oh no, I wouldn't tell them about that. Not even how your big ole floofy tail managed to snag the cube and drag it half way across the dining room before you freed yourself."
heesh...."That's kind of you. How about showing the picture of me on da back of the couch, just like .King Brian.
biped...."Here you are big guy!"

heesh....."Could you erase the "Big Guy" thingie and maybe say something like its a picture of smudge and I when he was a kitten?"
biped...."Sure big guy!"