Monday, February 28, 2011

Major goes to the Oscars

major...."Hey biped, Did you get this dress from the Oscars?!"

biped...."Sure sweetie..."

major...."Which star wore it?

smudge...."Da one that didn't win anything."

major...."Dat wasn't nice brother."

smudge...."I was nice, I didn't mention your double chin."

Major Brat...

major...."The biped has sumthin called insombia. That means she lays in bed at night but her eyes don't close. She looks alot like my orange teddy cat."

major....."Me thinks that it may have sumthin to do wif Anniecat. In dis picture I'm pretending to be Annie. You notice I have my mouth really close to da teddy's (biped's) ear. dats so she can hear my purr'ng. Loud purring is very reassuring. And in case I wake up, I have my paw on her head so I can make bread."

major...."Here I am showing how Anniecat surrounds da biped's head. Sumnights I bites her on da nose just for fun, ooops, I mean Annie bites her. She likes to pat da biped's face wif her paws. You notice how da biped has turned sideways in da bed? She does that alot. Sumnights her toes hang over the edge of da bed. Smudge likes to pretend dat her toesies are chubby mice. I'm sure dat doesn't have a thing to do wif her insombia."

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Public Service Announcement

major...."Major here with a public service announcement. You'all know how we feared abandonment when da biped signed up for dat facebook thing?"

major...."First she went off and made 230 new friends, then she started a farm. Then as we all laid there unpetted, our hair matting with every single breath, she signed up for a frontier game, and then a cafe aaaand a treasure island so she could earn a make believe cat. Can you imagine that? A make believe cat to feed make believe kibble, oh wait, the cats don't get fed on the farm game, just the dogs, where's the justice with that?"

major...."And then over Christmas week, she started a new city, which she named Angeltown, not CatTown, and there we laid all depressed watching the lights of the fake city illuminate the desktop..."

major...."We were about to commit harricarry, when we met a cat named Wanda over on Catster. Wanda the cat is a VERY smart cat that does her own public service announcements and I must admit that she changed our lives. CatFriends, we the Ozark Mountain Cats think Wanda is the best thing to come along since Temptations. And we can tell you that you have nothing to fear from that FACEBOOK thing. We suggest that you Encourage your humans to sign up just as soon as you read Wanda's latest public service announcement."

major...."that is right after she fills up the fridge with all kinds of yummies. ps...Don't forget the freezer part. Dats where they store the shrimps and ice cream."

Monday, February 21, 2011

Camo Cat

major...."Look at what da biped bought me! Major colored sheets! I'm like one of those lizards that change color to match my enviornment."

major....."Look out now! Camo Cat will gitcha."

biped...."Right after she finishes her nap."

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I wuv my dawg....

biped...."yes, the ugly, ragged, computer/sewing chair still exists. It will not fit in the car, we have no garbage collector to take it away so it sits there being further abused by the Ozark Mtn gang. I have sworn several times to tether it to the next feral dog that drops by our house in hopes that both of them would disappear together but so far the dogs have taken one look at it and took off running. unlike the dogs, the cats think its their personal jungle gym."

sound of toe nails ripping thru polyester fabric....

smudge...."grunt, grunt, give me dat dog!"

major...."Bipeeeedd! smudge is being mean again..."

major manages to spin the chair around thus dislodging his brother. Believe it or not, that chair travels all over the living room and kitchen powered by nothing more than major."

major...."Quit lurking behind da chair. I'll sic my dawg on ya!"

major...."Good dawg, you scared da mean puddy tat!"

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Have a Happy Friday....

ollie....""It sure is a lotta work getting all"

ollie....slurp slurp...


ollie...."floof to fluff."

ollie...."You'all have yourself a happy Friday, and Saturday and Sunday too!"

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Shelter Kritters....

major...."It's time to head for da hills brethren!

smudge...."Whatsup? Not the spring trip to the animal shelter?"

major...."Is it safe to come out? Did she bring somefur home with her?"

grandma...."Oh biped, you were gone so long that we started to worry."

major...."Yes we were very worried. Did you see anything cute?"

biped...."They only had a few kittens. I talked a lady into taking the cute little black one."

biped...."I almost didn't get away. They had lots of ankle biters running lose."

biped...."The shelter got a gift of food from Royal Canin so all the kitties this year will have only the best food."

major...."So did you bring back the kibble that you stold from us?"

biped...."Nope, they kept the kibble to give to local people who can't afford to feed their animals. That way they hope people will be able to keep their pets.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Disaster Zone.....

ollie...."Hey Biped! We're ready to help you cut out the next quilt!"

major...."buzzrrt. buzzrrt. Hey biped! You can make funny noises when you put this sack over your head. buzzrt."

biped...."Major! Get your head outta that bag! Ollie, do you want to become a Manx?"

major...."We just wanted to help you cut the little pieces of fabric."

biped...."With a bag over your head?" "You could choke with that handle around your neck!"

major...."Bzzzzrrt... Bzzzzrrt. giggle, giggle..."

major...."Weeeee! Swing it again! Higher Biped....Weee!" plop.

grandma...."She can even make getting punished fun."

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Sunday night in da Ozarks....

major...."This is the bestest present of all!"

ollie...."I'm sure glad that you broke into the box of secret pal presents."

major...."Do you think the biped will be mad?"

crash, bam, boom!

ollie...."Nah she'll never notice...."

(((i'm sure there's no way she'll notice the piles of hair that you've pulled out from around/under the fridge.,,never mind she just spent an hour moping the kitchen floor.)

smudge...."Dang the last mouse is almost life like."

ollie...."Yeah, but I like the little pink and purple mice. They're a lot nippier. I'm not sure I'm into the animated ones, this one even squeeks."

major...."Come on you two! It already got away from you before. Pay ATTENTION!"

more crashes and booms....

ollie...."They musta put super batteries in that thing. It hasn't started slowing down."

smudge...."Wow did you see it run up the wall? How cool was that?!!"

ollie...."The major wapped it just as it reached the counter top."

major....runs to other side of fridge...."Ok you guys, get ready. This time it's coming your way!"

Wap, bang, sound of pounding kitty feet...."

major...."MOVE IT! Get it!"

biped...."OH SHOOT,,,,GET THe MOUSE!"

smuge...."Mouse? I didn't see a mouse.. Where's the mouse?"

ollie...."There it is... Boy it sure can move. Thats a Nascar mouse."

major...."Wow, look at the biped with the broom."

ollie...."Hey she just swept Junior out the back door."

major...."Look, she's putting your pink Nippie mice back in da box."

smudge..."Party pooper!"

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Whiney Thursday

ollie...."whine, whine, whine.... a guy can't get any rest wif a whiney biped."

annie...."Well I'm glad it's da biped this time and not one of us."

ollie...."Bet she goes to the nice human vet instead of da horse vet to get her tooth pulled."

annie..."Not if da horse vet charges less."

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Nobody did it....

crash, bang, rustle, rustle....

biped, smudge, major...."Dang Dogs! Get out of da trash!"


smudge...."So who's going to get up and go whoop her?"

major...."I will, I will! Hey wait a minute, dumb and dumber are sound asleep?"

biped...."So who was doing the crashing?"


biped...."Well I wouldn't get too close to that bag cuz Nobody is going to wap you."

biped...."actually it did sound like an elephant was loose in the kitchen and we might not of discovered who nobody was if the wrapping paper hadn't started growling."

Monday, February 7, 2011

A Cat of a Different Color...

heesh...."Hey wait a minute. That doesn't look like any cat that I've ever seen."

biped.... "It's a picture of a organic BLT sandwich in it's natural habitat."

heesh...."Wow I didn't know they walked around like that."

biped...."Actually they're Gloucestershire Old Spots. They're a very old breed that came all the way from England. At one time they were almost extinct. These piggies live in California really close to where I grew up."

biped...."And you know what the cool part is?!!! Unlike commercial farm pigs that grow up inside little pens in stinky buildings, these guys run free. In their native England they were raised in orchards and grazed on grass and ate windfall (that's the fruit that falls off the trees). Oh and there's an ole wive's tale that they really aren't spotted at all."

heesh...."Really? I see spots on them."

biped...."In the wive's tale those are bruises that they got from apples falling on them."

heesh.... "Oh my look at that cute little one. I don't think Grandma would mind sharing her bathroom with it. And come spring you'd never have to mow the lawn again."

biped...."If you have facebook you can look up Massa Organics and see their neat farm. You can also read about them on their website."

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Let's Hibernate...

annie...."Yep it's snowing. Quess I'll just lay here and hibernate, least wise till the biped pushes me outta my warm spot."

biped...."Fat chance I'll push her anywhere. I swear that she turns into cement the moment she hits the bed. And God help you if you try to nudge her to get her to move, cuz then she wakes up and starts washing your hair."

smudge...."you forgot to mention her playing patty cake on your face and biting your nose.:

biped...."You mean that wasn't a bad dream?"

Friday, February 4, 2011

Finally Friday

major...."Hey dat's my box!"

annie...."Oh really? I rule this Queendom. The box is mine!"

major.."psssssth... Everyone knows dat a Major always outranks a Queen!"

ps...the biped made it up the hill so things should go smoothly this weekend. Hopefully we won't get much snow from this next storm. You all have a nice safe weekend....

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Thankful Thursday....

annie...."It will be a Thankful Thursday if da biped gets da car up da hill to the road. If that doesn't happen it will be a TT if da car misses the house when it comes careening backwards down the hill."

ollie...."The storm of the century left us with two inches of ice covered with a half inch of snow. If da biped can't get da car out she will run out of diet coke and happy pills on Friday when it's supposed to start snowing again. I guess that will make for a Frantic Friday."

annie...."Guess you can tell that I'm still in possession of the nanner box. I think I'll stay right here till the sun puddles come back. I don't think thats going to happen anytime soon seeing as the hi temp today is going to be 6 degrees."