Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Who's in YOUR family tree?

biped...."It was about 10:00 pm and I left the sewing barn heading towards the main house when I saw some movement up the hill past the chicken house. Just as I turned I saw two scroungy grey cats cross our driveway in the shadows. What I said is unprintable but it started with OH and ended wif a T. I stomped into the house and grabbed the flashy box thinking perhaps I could get a story for Wordless Wed. So there I was, out there in my moonlit yard and I hear a noise in the trees."




The Ultimate Fund Raiser

Kitty Kisses 5 cents!

ollie...."Wow! Wif Heesh's looks we're going to be millionairs."
smudge..."How many cans of stinky goodness can we buy wif a million green papers?"
ollie...."At least three. There may even be enough for a bag of Temptations."

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Bun Warmer Problems

smudge...."Why is all this stuff in our bed? Why is our bun warmer unplugged?"

ollie...."The biped doesn't look very happy. This may be one of those moments where its better to be seen and not heard."

smudge...."Uh, biped, it's getting a bit nippy in here. Ummm, I'll just be sitting here when you get done wif dat email and you plug my bun warmer back in."

sound of typing.....

To.....Ozarkian Freecyclers:

Dear Freecyclers, we have various computer/printer/scanners available for pick up.
Almost new Kodak combo scanner printer with new, never used ink cartridges. Perfect printer for a handyman who can remove severe paper jam and or fur balls.
Also available HP 4600 combo printer scanner with almost new ink cartridges. Has slight smell of soured milk, only used about six weeks. (For your info, Best Buy warranties does not cover milk damaged printers, even if it was spilt by a cute cat." Also available two computer monitors. One is 24 inches Sony Trinitron, smells a bit like burnt cat hair, probably could be used for parts. Second monitor was only used three weeks. It is also a 24ish inch LG Flatron with a small scratch/dent in screen caused when cat tried to scratch her ear it tipped it over on the desk. (ps, Best Buy does not quarantee that moniters are cat proof." Ooops, forgot the two year old GE monitor dat had a dust/hair problem."
Please email if interested, more equipment will probably be available next week."

Heesh...."Hey guys, da biped's getting rid of da good monitor. It was a full body warmer."

Ollie...."Yeah, I remember dat one. Dey don't make dem like dat any more."

smudge..."I tink dat we'd better be quiet or she may freecycle us."

ps....Da 24ish inch LG monitor was replaced with an identical model at da biped's expense. Da biped turned around to get a roll of duct tape to tape it to the desk top when Annie jumped up and over it went. This time the screen wasn't dented so she slid it back into da box and took it back. We tink dat dey felt sorry for her and gave her another one."

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Twisted Photo Hunt

ollie...."The photo hunt theme for today is "twisted"."
heesh...."Da only ting dat we could tink of was our wicked twisted sister sheesh."

heesh...."Not only is she twisted. She's also a Temptation HOG. If next week's word is HOG we can use da same picture."

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The last Design Star

ollie...."Ok we swore we would not watch the designless star's show but we had to see just HOW bad a designer he was. Well we believe dat antonio is actually da biped's evil stepfather reincarnated. Da evil stepfather once helped his best friend pour da cement floor for his new living room. ESF (evil stepfather) suggested that they put a drain pipe (kinda like a shower drain) in the center and slightly slant da floor towards the drain. When da poor wife got home dat night there it was, a drain in the middle of her new living room floor. ESF could not understand what the ruckous was cuz it sure would make it easy to clean da living room wif a garden hose."

ollie...."There we are watching Antonio, and he invites dese biker type guys in to work on his house (actually real biker type guys would probably disagree wif dat statement., dey actually looked like escapees from some jail). Oh, the story line goes that HGTV has given Antonio 5 days to finish his bare to the bones house. Antonio puts da biker friends to work and then starts shopping. He picks out a sissal carpet which he hopes won't show da dog slobber. When told that it probably would show it he says dat da dog better learn how to keep his slobber in his mouth or stay off da carpet. Then he goes to a paint detail shop where they do pin striping and build motor cycles and brings in two full sheets of MDF (4x8 foot sheets of fiber board) and instructs da guy how to make his Chicana Headboard for his bedroom. Then he bought some lacquer end tables and had da guy spray paint (metalic of course) and pin stripe dose."

Heesh...."And you shoulda seen da biped...We thought she was going to have a stroke. Every four or five sentences Antonio mentioned dat Chic's would dig his house, or dat he could get some "action on" in da bedroom."

ollie...."So here's a picture of Mr. Antonio's bedroom complete wif Sombrero Girl. And for all you Chic's out dare, we fink dat he's available."

picture from hgtv
biped...."On another blog, we read dat if you look really close to da picture you can see a pair of brass knuckles on da bedside table."

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Daisy Knows Best

ollie..."Yesterday our friend Daisy told us about the rotation diet."

annie...."So we told da biped dat Daisy Knows Best and she'd better start cooking us better food (da biped, not Daisy)."

ollie..."So last night I had french fries for dinner."

ollie...."And Annie had fried fishie. And guess what! Da biped's going to watch for some venison for us. Sumtimes there is a slightly damaged vension laying right there along the road."

annie...."We told her dat we didn't want any of the dented armadillos or possums. We don't want to get a reputation for hogg'n all da good eats."

Tuesday in da Ozarks

ollie...."If you haven't voted for your favorite cat model (hint hint) we'd love to have your vote (and your neighbors, and the funny guy that sits next to you at work, and the delivery guy). Thank youz very much!"

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Man da Life boats !

smudge...."Biped, don't embarrass us. Da Pirate thingy was yesterday."
biped...."I mean it! Man da life boats, we're about to float away."

****sound of thunder crashing around da house and loud barking from Dumb and Dumber.***

biped...."This storm has been pounding us for hours! We're about to break apart!"

smudge...."We're not breaking apart. We're melting. Remember Grandma told you to buy a real house, not one made out of pressed wood that has to be anchored down to cement blocks to keep it from blowing away."

heesh...."Now where is da biped going wif da flashy box?"
ollie...."Remember the fire fly episode? I think this is a repeat, cept she's trying to capture the lighting wif da flashy box."

ollie...."Hey! Look at Sister Sheesh! Was she outside wif da biped?"
heesh...."I tink she got struck wif lighting!

sheesh mumbles very quietly...."Dey'd be really ticked off if dey knew I have all da nip micies hidden in da biped's blanket."

Friday, September 18, 2009

Catwalk Saturday!

biped...."Hold dat pose. Hold it!! Flash!"
heesh.... "Dat will melt da ladies' hearts!"

heesh...."Oh Wow! He's so HOT Youz gonna need shades!"

biped...."Ok Ollie, lets see some Catitude!"

biped...."And now lets see your reflective side.

biped...."Ok, Smudge you need to concentrate. No acting goofy. There is no market for Goofy!"

heesh...."Hmmm, da biped's turning into a real stage mother."

biped....This is it! Strut your Stuff Wild Thing!"

ollie...."As you seez I'm officially a cat model just like Misha. Thanks to Zoolarty I even have my headshots to show to agents."

The Great Escape in da Ozarks!

ollie...."Da biped doesn't get up early usually so she misses out on lots of things, but yesterday was a "quilting day wif da ladies" so she got up and left very very early (10:30 am) to go to da quilt shop."

ollie...."When she walked off da front porch she looked down and saw what looked like a HUGE peice of licorice or an old fan belt, that was moving."

biped to herself..."hmmm, I've never seen moving licorice before, could dat be a ?"

biped.... "SNAKE! Grandma theres a SNAKE! sound of running feet. Slamming screen door. more running feet... door slams again" Do you see it?"
grandma...."Sure (blank look on face)"
biped wif clicky box..."DID YOU see that SNAKE?"
Grandma wif big eyes "That's one big snake. It went under the bush. Stay away from the bush!"
biped...."Its a nice snake. It's a black snake, it only eats eggs, small birds and..."

Grandma...."CHIPPY! Where's the hoe?"

ps....No snakes or chipmunks were harmed this morning. We never did get a picture of the snake. By the time da biped got the camera turned on, and her head under da big bush, just the tail of the snake was visible. So da biped had to reposition herself to try for yet another shot, and then, right there, two feet in front of her was Chippy staring right into the lens. The snake had passed right below where chippy was sitting.

Here's what we tink dat da snake said when he got home.

snake...."Martha! (snakes wife) You're right! Big Foot does exist! There I was just about to get us a plumb chipmunk for breakfast and Big Foot came crashing thru the bushes and nearly stomped me into da ground."

Chippy to da misses...."There I was! It was terrible. Either I was going to be sushi for some darned black snake, or boiled in oil by some redneck! It was just horrible, and then this old lady ran up and tried to bean me on da head wif a hoe! It's a miracle I survived!"

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Decorating with Nature & Goodbye Design Stars

biped...."Well Design Star is over and the sentiment is that the wrong guy won. In my opinion the whole season was a snoozer. You wanna know why? There was no LIFE in their designs."

heesh...."Where was the cat art work? Where was the 365 Cat Ladies by Susan Faye? Who picked those silly contestants? Not a single cat tree was built. NO bird cages. Flowers? Only if they could be bought in some lame store."

annie...."We'ze glad we have our own interior decoratress. She knows da rules. No silly blinds on our windows. We want to be able to see when Chippy sneaks up on da porch."

heesh...."And flowers? We gots dem too, and da biped didn't spend $30,000.00 on dem."

smudge...."And did you see dat one guy who stuck two screamy boxes (tv's) up on da wall? We don't need to watch life in a box when we can look out da window and see da real thing."

heesh...."Da biped's been cheating on us and reading da bloggies over at HGTV. Da people's are all complaining because Antonio won instead of Dan. Well Antonio does seem to have one fan but his nic name is Gottrots so we don't think he's got very good taste. Da rest of da peoples were making fun of da winner. Dey were saying dat DIY (do it yourself) network has a new program starting that's called House Crashers and HGTV is going to name Antonio's show "House Trashers."

sheesh...."And did you see da add? Antonio says dat he's coming to our house as soon as he finishes his."
heesh...."Well dis is one time dat I'm happy we've got Dumb and Dumber to protect us."

Where's da Steak?

ollie..."Well da biped's found sum mushrooms."
heesh..."Now she needs to sneak out in da woods and nab us a steak."

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Posessive Paw...

ollie..."Look at Heesh, guarding his box of Crunch & Munch."
sheesh..."Should we tell him that Annie and the biped's eaten it all?"

ollie..."Nah, why spoil his fun."

Monday, September 14, 2009

OMC! Look at What Zoolarty made us!

Thank YOu! Thank You so very much Zoolarty!
ollie...."We gots a big surprize today when we looked in our emails. Look up and see da beautiful banner that Zoolarty made for me."
ollie...."Oh, I mean us."
heesh...."Dat's right! Its da Ozark Mountain cats. She left a few of us out so da peoples could see our mountain."

Saturday, September 12, 2009

OMC's Raffle Quilt

heesh....."Did you see dat da biped finished our first raffle quilt?"
annie....."Now we need to decide how to raffle it off."
heesh....."Who's going to get da green papers?"
annie....."We tink dat we'd better let one of da older kitties like Kc or Ms Peach decide dat. We have enough problems just keeping da biped sewing and quilting."

Friday, September 11, 2009

Makeover Saturday!

ollie...."Ok Kitty friends. We have 7 days before Runway SAturday and we need to get our beans, bipeds, yellow haired helpers out there looking for our purrfect outfit. Don't let them roll over and punch da snooze button today. "

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Rare Ozark Mountain Cat sighted

biped...."Oh Saturday while out geocaching we stopped at the Big Piney river where I started taking pictures. It wasn't till last night that I spotted a rare Ozark Mountain cat in one of the pictures. You'll have to look really closely to see it since it's a master at camouflage."

biped...."Da kitties are very excited to see one of their wild relatives. They are happy that they can now prove that there really is such a thing as an Ozark Mountain Cat."
annie to heesh...."Do you see our relative in da picture?"
heesh....."Uhhh, no, but I was looking for fishies."
ollie...."Grandma said that she thinks the cat is hiding in the weeds at the top of the rock formation."
annie...."Da biped said it was right down next to the water."
biped...."Hey kids, I blew up da picture."
heesh...."Maybe we can give a copy to Uncle for Christmas!"

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Design Dudes is almost over...

biped...."Are you as disappointed as Smudge is?" "We thinks dat dey should of kept Lonnie and got rid of Antonio." "What do you think?"

Monday, September 7, 2009

Hamtini Hangover

annie...."He hasn't moved in three days."
heesh...."Kinda like da biped."
annie...."Maybe he hit his head when he fell off da Weinermobile."
heesh...."I think it's more like he's had one or two too many hamtini's."

smudge...."moan, My reputation of a mountain cat is ruined. Moan.."

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Daisy Visits da Ozarks

******* A week ago****
heesh...."Did you see what Ollie did?"
annie...."You mean, him hogging da blog for over a week now?"
heesh...."No, him's stold da biped's plastic card and has sent for Daisy to live wif us."
annie...."I hope she brings Harley wif her, he's really cute."

*******Thursday AfterNoon****

ollie...."Oh boy, my box is here!"
heesh...."Why is da biped's name on it?"
ollie...."It's my box. I can hear Daisy calling."

heesh...."I don't hear nuttin."
annie...."Can you hear blood pressure rising, cuz I bet da biped's going to be upset."


heesh....."He sure is happy."
ollie...."Hey look guys, Daisy sent me a luv note."
annie...."Dat note's not from Daisy. It's from Endless Whimsy."
ollie...."Tis from Daisy, youz just jealous cuz she likes me."

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Design Star Tip!

biped....."I know it was quite upsetting. What was the most upsetting thing about this week's show? I mean besides the %$4,900 ish on plants. $4,900ish on a mini play house/swing set for a 3 year old, $10,600ish for a gazebo (that really wasn't a gazebo), and another $5,000 + on lawn furniture and BBQ.

For me, it was the $2,000ish that they spent on BAMBOO plants. What were they thinking! What was Vern thinking when he said that it was a great idea. About 18 months from now, those people's neighbors are going to sue them because that bamboo has escaped and is now eating the corner off their house. It will cost the home owners another $30,000.00 to settle all the lawsuits and to remove the stuff."

biped...."Oh and for da Design star tip, I suggest dat none of dem give up their day job."

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Wii Cat of da Ozarks

ollie...."Finally I gots da paddle all to myself!"
ollie...."I is going to be da CHAMPION! I is going to be just as famous as dat Forest Gump guy."
annie...."Oh goody, maybe you should start jogging so we can get sum rest."

ollie...."Don't mind that annie, she's just jealous cuz she can't win at ping pong like I did."

ollie...."Just wait till I'm famous and they deliver da chocolates and catnip bouquet. She's going to regret making fun of da biped and me."

Update in da Ozarks...

annie...."Yee God he looks bad! Bigify the pic to see his blood shot eyes."
smudge..."They didn't come to bed till after daylight."
annie...."He looks like he combed his furs wif an egg beater."

ollie..."Shush you guys, you're going to wake her up and she'll want her turn."
annie...."I don't see why they think dat's fun. Dey could be watching tv or blogging."