Wednesday, November 30, 2011

He's my brudder...

smudge...."I luv you brudder."

heesh...."Quit fibb'n brudder. You just want to snuggle in my warm furs cuz da biped's a cheapskate and won't turn the heater on."

Monday, November 28, 2011

How did that Happen?

crash..., buzzzz, buzzzzz

biped...."Dang it! It won't go away?"

biped...."Hello, Yes my computer is stuck. Is there a message? Well yes there is. Oh, what does it say? "How did you get here? No sir, I didn't mean you. That's the message on my stuck computer. How did I get there? Do you want the short answer or the long one. Oh you want the short one. Cats. What do you mean you don't understand. Maybe the long version would be better. Cat fight on the keyboard. Does that help? Why were the cats on the keyboard? Well it could have something to do with the turkey sandwich I was eating. Yes sir, I've heard that one shouldn't eat at the computer. Excuse me? You want me to do what? Oh hang up the phone, turn off the computer and call you back if the message shows up again."


tech support...."Hey Jake, I gotta take a break."

tech support #2....."Another ruff call?"

tech support....."Nah, just another crazy cat lady."

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Is it Turkey Time?

joplin...."Its time? The people are all here? Did you save me a place at the table. Wait a minute! I don't smell anything. Oh no! I slept thru dinner and the turkey is all gone!"

Ollie...."Quit your squaking! It's still dark outside. We've got another 12 hours to starve."

smudge...."Kids! From all the yell'n you'd think it was Christmas."

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

How to cook a turkey Ozark style...

joplin...."Did ya see da big bird in the ice box?"

heesh....."Shor did little brother."

joplin...."Does the biped have a clue how to cook it?"

heesh....."I saw her reading the recipes in the paper this afternoon. Surely she'll find a good one."

biped...."Here's a few of the recipes from the local news paper. You poor city folk probably don't have the luxury of getting such good directions."

by Ryan...
Here is how you cook a turkey. First, you get the turkey at the Raymondville Grocery Store You tear the plastic off the turkey. You stuff the turkey with pig meat. Next , you put it in an oven that is 500 degrees hot. You cook the turkey for 200 minutes. While the turkey is cooking you read a book. Last you take the turkey out of the oven and cut it up. You eat turkey after you put salt and A1 sauce on it."

by Abbigale....
First, you get your turkey at the store. You shave the turkey's fur off. Next you turn the oven to 175 degrees. You put the turkey in the oven for 1 minute. If the turkey is still moving you cook it a little longer. Then you put the turkey in the middle of the table. Last, you cut it up and then you can eat it up."

by Alex...
Frist buy a cooler a turkey. Then you get Hwiian BBq sace. You put it in the cooler then you put in the sacer and mararati it in the sace with some ice. You let it maranat for 20-40 minits. Then take it out and cook it. You smoke it with skin less wood cips. Smoke it for 30-70 minits.
Then you have feast! Yum...

by Aaron... (whom I think sits really close to Alex)

You skin a turkey. But if you wont you can by th turkeys. And cook the turkey. Four one huher and put salt and peeper. Put some sos on it for you can put some barbacue sos on the side when your done with the turkey you can eat it.

by Christopher a true Ozarkian...
First hunt down a turkey. Then you take off the fethers off. The you chop of it's head. Then you take away the nasty stuff out. And now you put it in the oven The tempiter has to be one hundred twenty three. And then you have a delishos turkey.

Happy Thanksgiving .... Part II

joplin....."Hey, she's coming. Pretend you're sleeping and she won't give you some dumb chore to do."

smudge....."Huh?! What?"

biped...."Oh Smudgie, I'm glad you're awake. Do you think you can dust the bookshelf with that big fluffy tail?"


biped...."I quess that would be no in cattalk."

Monday, November 21, 2011

Preparing for da Howlidays...

joplin...."According to the old folks around here we have to start spiffin' up da house for da company."

joplin...."I'm going to start doing dat spiffin' thing just as soon as I get my hairs all washed."

joplin...."Hey biped, you better get dumb and dumber busy help'ng ya cuz this hair thing may take a while."

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Where's your Sunday Smile?

biped...."You sure look in a bad mood Ollie. Where's your Sunday smile?"

ollie...."I don't know biped. I keep having a stabbing pain in my tail."

Friday, November 11, 2011

Yes it was a Thankful Thursday!

biped...."If Grandma and I were cats, I do believe we used up at least a couple of our lives with the old heater. There were smoke marks about 18 inches high on the wall behind the heater and a big mess inside the old heater cabinet."

biped...."This is one time we're happy that I'm a chronic insomniac. Hopefully this is the last heater tale."

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Will it be Thankful Thursday?

joplin...."Is it 8 yet? Did I hear a truck in the yard?

biped...."Be quiet Joplin. It's still dark outside."

joplin...."I'm sure it's 8. We don't want to be in bed when the heaterman comes.."

biped....."The man said he'll be here at 8. Thats 8 am Ozark time, which means that it could be next Thursday before he shows up. But just in case, there's no way I'm going to jinx his coming by being up and ready for him."

joplin..."What was that? Did you'all here dat?"

major....."Shut up Joplin!"

Freezing in da Ozarks...

joplin...."I hate to be a sour puss but I've just about had it with one bun freezing and the other one just about to burst into flames."

joplin...."If da biped doesn't get busy and find a repairman I'm going to start working on the heater myself."


joplin....."Hey Major! Can you fix a heater with a drill?

major......"Hmmmm, I think you need a big hammer too. Da biped always has a hammer to wack things with."

biped...."I'm not telling the catkids yet (no sense getting their hopes up just in case), but a replacement heater has been found and will be picked up tomorrow. If we're lucky it will be installed on Thursday by the new repairman."

Friday, November 4, 2011


biped...."I miraculously or perhaps purrposely got an appointment with the good vet. No horse vet needed today and it appears that Major's eye is going to be fine. The scratch was inside the eyelid and not on the eye itself. Since we were there she got all her shots so she can spend the days out on the porch away from Annie. We're going to buy a package of that felway stuff to see if it improves Annie's and Ollie's mood today Major."

Please Purr for Major....

biped...."Please purr for Major. Tonight him and Ollie got in an argument and Ollie scratched him in the corner of his eye. Please purr that it didn't hurt his eyeball and that I can get an appointment at the vet tomorrow."

ps,,,"The heater is still deaded. The new repairman was supposed to call today with replacement suggestions but he didn't. Yeah when it rains it pours...wait a minute I should correct that. When it rains it snows....We had our first snow flurry this morning."

ppps...."If you ever need a space heater to warm your house, buy a Lasko. That little guy has done a terrific job."