Friday, July 31, 2009

Proper Pets do not mooch!

biped....."To maintain a zenlike atmosphere in your home, pets should be trained to be seen and not heard. In order to discourage mooching, they should never be given table scraps."

annie...."Where's she at?"
Grandma..."In her room typing."
Dumb...."That sure looks like a yummy sandwich Grandma!"
Grandma.."Here sweetie have a bi.... Ooops, here she comes."

annie...."Quick everyone, look away"
Grandma..."Look Biped, Angel's whining at a squirrel."

Princess...."I didn't see a squirre"
annie & Grandma....."Shussssh!"

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Fruitbat Friday?

Is it an honorary Fruitbat? Or an Ozark Mountain Cat that is suffering from Nip addiction?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Thankful Christmas kitties

annie...."I think da Island Kitties sent my mices back! This one looks like Spot, my old mouse."
biped...."Spot disappeared when we lived in California. That isn't Spot."
annie...."How do you know? He might of run away and dey caught him."
biped...."He didn't run away. He drowned. Actually Grandma kinda drowned him."
annie..."Huh? Why?"
biped..."You left him in the toilet one too many times. I heard Grandma gasp as he went swirling down the drain.
annie..."Maybe he swam to the Island and they rescued him."

smudge...."Hey Buddy, you'd better stick close to me. Annie's mousies seem to be a little accident prone."

biped..."On Monday, when da camera had almost dead batteries we LOVED this toy called da CATDancer. By Wed., with fresh batteries the cats refused to dance anymore so we think for lazy Ozark style kitties they might want to rename it to something like the "LazyCat Whapperthingie"

heesh...."After an extended testing period, it has been decided that this little nip pillow was the favorite giftie. It has been bunny kicked, drooled on, slept on and fought over."

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

More Christmas in July

princess...."I'm beginning to tink dat all cats are not created equal! The Island Cats seem to be an exception to the rule as they are very nice and sharing. They sent me and my sister angel wonderful snacks and these balls. These are the best balls we've ever had because they have squeakers in them and sister Angel can't shred them."

ollie...."Hey Island kitties, dumb and dumber are sure living up to their names. Can you imagine that they thought those neat green balls, that just happened to be laced with the essence of nip were for them. Island kitties please feel free to educate those silly dogs!"

ollie...."Hey biped, lets change my name to Beckham!"
ps...ollie..."Bigify my picture to see what I tink of dumb and dumber."

Monday, July 27, 2009

Christmas in July in da Ozarks

Beep! Beep! Beep!
ollie...."Grandma! Open da door da MAILMAN is coming!"
mailman....."Giggle... Do the Ozark Mountain Cats live here?"
mailman...."They seem to be popular, they get lots of boxes."
grandma ...."Yes, they're waiting on a Christmas box." rolls eyes and shrugs "Thanks!"
mailman..."Till next time."

heesh....."Ooooh, I smells catnip."
biped...."Ooooh, lots of goodies! Look a boogie rug!"
heesh...."Keep an eye on da boogie rug guys, she's going to hide it like she did the Morgan bed."
biped...."There's too many goodies for one day. I think we should make this last a while. Oh look there's tennis balls for da doggies and doggie cookies."

annie...."Quick grab something before she puts it in da bedroom!" "oooh dey sent us bubble wrap! They're really cool friends!"

granma....."They sure are you kids biped... They go for da box and the bubble wrap first."


ps. Grandma just didn't understand dat da bubble wrap and da box was laced wif the bestest nip in da world. It took da kids about two hours to totally "kill" da bubble wrap. Tomorrow we'll show more pictures of da goodies in da box. There were lots and lots of thingies, unfortuneately da batteries went dead on da camera not me or da kids.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Weak Two of Design Star

annie..."This week on Design Star the designers had 27 hours to completely remodel a kitchen. There were 5 designers on each team and the floors and counters were done by professionals. They had to tear out the old kitchen and replace it with a new one in three days."

annie...."One of da judges, Mr. Yip (who has the same design skills as Dumb and Dumber) said dat it looked like a rainbow had thrown up in da kitchen of one of the teams and then he booted off another designer wannabe."

annie...."I personally like a little color in my kitchen and think dat dey should of kicked off Mr. Yip cuz what was he thinking when he gave those poor designers 27 hours to complete a kitchen. Heck it took da biped six months just to decide on da color of the tiles in ours."

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Assassin!


heesh...."It can be very scary here in da Ozarks. Not only are there key stealing squirrels, there's also prehistoric animals that prowl around in da woods."

heesh...."This happens to be an Assassin Bug and believe it or not he's a good guy. He's trying to protect our red barked dogwood from the horrible Japanese beetles that have invaded us. Click biggify and check out his huge jaws. He sneaks up on da bad guys and grabs them in his jaws and then shoots them with venom. I sure hope dat he stays outside and doesn't shoot one of us."

Thursday, July 23, 2009

What's next?

ollie...."Da biped's not having a good month. If it can go wrong, its going to go REALLY REALLY wrong. Today was just another straw on da poor over burdoned camel. oops, biped that is."

ollie...."Today she went out to get some pot pies and the door to the freezer is open. When she walked up to it she could smell spoiled meat. Everything but two packages of meat was ruined. She spent the afternoon putting stuff in garbage bags and carrying them to the car. We don't have garbage men out here in da country so we had to take it to town in special bags and put it in a big dumpster."

ollie...."Then she went to lock da sewing barn and couldn't find da keys. She remembered laying them sumwhere on da porch but they are GONE. Now brother Heesh has an opinion on what happened to da keys. He says dat he saw a squirrel on da porch and he figures dat Mr. Squirrel kidnapped da keys and is holding dem ramsome until da biped fills da squirrel (bird) feeders."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Kitty Corruption

biped...."Annie, are you on da table bugging Grandma?"

annie...."No biped, I'm not bugging Grandma."

biped...."Mom you're not giving annie your sandwich are you?"

grandma..."Of course not biped daughter."

biped....."You know there's a breathalyzer test for tuna breath don'tcha.?"

grandma to annie..."Good thing we bought that tin full of "kitty breath mints."

Monday, July 20, 2009

Design Disaster

heesh...."Did any of you cats watch Design Star on Sunday night?"

heesh...."We're beginning to think dat our biped isn't that bad after all. On dis weeks show da designers used duct tape to hang the curtains to the ceiling. Then they took king sized comforters and cut them in half so they'd fit on twin beds. By da end of da program it was just too painful to watch."

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Christmas in July by da Ozark Mountain Cats

ollie...."Do you see what da biped's doing?"
heesh...."Yeah, she's making Grandma wrap Christmas presents."
sheesh..."But it's only July!"
ollie...."It's Christmas in July and she's getting ready to mail a big box."
heesh...."Grandma, Is dat red thing going in da box?"

grandma...."Yes Sweetie."
Heesh...."Poor kitties."
annie...."Better them than us."

Friday, July 17, 2009

Re-decorating da Cat Den

annie...."keep pushing biped., you'll get da buffet in da dining room,"
ollie...."I don't think it should go in da dining room. If you put it there then our sewing machine won't fit."
biped...."Your sewing machine? When did you start sewing?"
ollie.... "I woulda said "bird watching table" but you never fill da feeders so its just an old sewing machine table now."

heesh...."Did you notice what da biped bought us?"
annie...."What da Morgan bed that's STILL in da box?"
heesh...."No da new cat sized rugs that don't smell like doggies."
annie...."I'd rather she'd bought sum bird seed instead."

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Is it a Dream?

biped...."The dreaded corner, complete with a phone line coming up through the floor."

annie...."Give it a good wap biped!"

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Totally Uncouth

ollie...."Da biped pounded and pounded and smashed things like fingers and such and got all the way across the dining room wif da new floor. She only has one row left (da hardest because there's no wapping room) which she promises to get done on Thursday. Tomorrow is a sewing day at da Church. And Why might you ask do I say that its Totally Uncouth?

ollie...."Because da biped had just crawled into her room when Dumber decided it was dinner time. She gingerly picked up peices of kibble and hauled it out onto the new floor where she would drop it. Then she'd slobber all over da pretty floor and run back to da dish and get another peice. And wouldn't you know it! She'd run to a different spot to drop it and start the slobber process over again leaving little gummy peices of kibble all over da place. Now if you'll excuse me its time to bug da biped for some Temptashuns."

Monday, July 13, 2009

Sweet Dreaming BoyCat

ollie here....."Dreaming of a finished redecorated home. Da biped has made it down the hallway, and around da built in bar that sits at a weird angle and is in da home strech. Da new living room curtains wif da floofy ruffles are finished and just need pressing and hanging. And QUESS what we get when da biped finishes! A bramd new Morgans BEd.! Of course we're not at all interested in the presents dat Morgan included in da box."

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sick of Sick Animals & bad food

ollie...."Da biped has been doubling up on her happy pills lately because of losing brother Willie and then Dumb and Dumber getting sick. Dumb was just sick for an afternoon but it scared da biped when she could just barely make it out and back. Of course this happened on da weekend. Then last weekend Dumber got major sick. She ran back and forth between da biped's room and grandma's throwing up. Dat last Friday night thru Sunday when all of a sudden she was miraculously cured and wanted to be fed... NOW!. Then this Friday night Giggles started barfing. Almost the exact symptoms as Dumber. Da biped has checked for any chemicals, washed water dishes, carpets and found nothing that could cause the symptoms. The only thing common between da cats and dogs is Cat food. Dumber is a big thief, Dumb not so much. So this weekend we switch our dry food (again) and open a brand new bag and da biped finds about a quarter of the bag is filled with kibble dust."

biped...."I was really ticked off with an $8.00 bag of dust when I noticed that the cat's Dental food has a NEW look. Is this stuff "safe?" Is it going to create another problem? Then I thought....."

biped...."Silly me! Of course its safe. There's never any "BAD" kitty food. The company is just being politically correct and including easy to eat dental food dust for da kitties dat don't have any toofies left. I do think dat dey should include little spoons in da bag because da dust keeps getting stuck in their whiskers."

Friday, July 10, 2009

An Ozark Fashion Statement

biped....."Da well floofed Ozark Mountain Cat doesn't need to wear clothing to make his fashion statement. Today he is posing aunaturale on his favorite chair. The only thing missing in da picture is da biped typing away on da computer."

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Before & After in da Ozarks


ollie...."Nuttin but beans and rice. sigh, what's a kitty to do?"

biped....."Nuttin but beans and rice. What's a biped to do?"

biped...."It's thankful thursday and we just wanted to thank all da kitties and beans who leave such lovely comments on our bloggie. Because you're sooo nice we want you to help yourself to sum temptashuns before you move on to da next bloggie."

Monday, July 6, 2009

Tuesday Tosies

annie...."Da biped isn't going to write much tonight. It's almost 2:00 am and she needs to get to bed because she's going to da BIG city tomorrow to buy us STINKY goodness and more TEMPTASHUNS! And she's going to finish off shopping for her Christmas in July friend!

annie...."Oh good, one look at my droopy eyelids and she's yawning."

Sunday, July 5, 2009

I have the Cutest ManCat!

heesh....."Da biped has developed a little Catitude! Grandma says that its not nice to brag about yourself."

biped...."Well maybe I could change the title to..."Don't you think I'm cute?"

heesh...."Grandma says that fishing for compliments is uncouth."

biped...."That may be true, but Grandma also said that we should only have one cat. Who needs a suitcase?"

giggles..."Well it's a good thing dat I'm da cutest."

Saturday, July 4, 2009

OMC! Extreme Makeover...

giggles.....OMC! Da biped is dancing all over da house (very scary thing)! She just found out dat her favorite (one of 10 of her favorite) TV show is going to be in our neck of da woods (dats how dey talk around here) and they need volenteers. She's signed up for da nite shift and has to wait till July 10th (or later) to find out if she's been picked."

giggles...."I only hope dat dey don't pick her to install da flooring cuz doz poor peoples will never get to move in."

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Da runnaway Quilting biped

ollie....."Yes, I am pissed. Can you tell? Da biped has run off again leaving us here wif uncombed floof. It's obvious that she didn't read the Catster newsletter where it said us floofers require 15 to 30 minutes a day to have our hair combed."

ollie..."Biped, that's 15 minutes each! Not 15 minutes for all eight of us. Do you know what da biped tries to do? She tries to talk grandma into combing us. Grandma is smart though. Every morning da biped says "Be sure to comb one of da kids! , and den dat night she asks grandma "Did you comb Heesh? , Sheesh?....etc and Grandma says, "No, was I supposed to?"

ollie...."You want to see where da biped runs off to?"

ollie..."It's a little barn. Its about 30 feet from da house and it is painted apricot inside. Not a single one of us kitties get to go there. It has a fancy air conditioner, a lot of bright lights and tons of fabric."

ollie...."And she makes deese things. Dey're called quilts. Dis one isn't finished yet but dat doesn't matter cuz she's found a NEW fabric store and has bought more fabric. The new store has lots of kitty and doggie fabric."

biped....."Hey Ollie, look at dis neat fabric that was designed by a Lady who is now an Angel!"

biped...."And look at this one. It has pink poodles. Sum of dem are raindeer poodles."

ollie to heesh....."Should we tell her dat there's no such thing as a pink raindeer poodle?"
heesh....."Not if you ever want to see a bag of Temptashuns anytime this month."

An Ozark Puzzle

annie...."Why don't we have puzzles on our blog like Daisy does?"
heesh...."Because we're country cats and spend our time napping instead of thinkung."
annie...."We wouldn't have to think much for this puzzle."
heesh...."ok, what's da puzzle?"
Annie... "What did Grandma and da biped have for dinner last night?"