Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Thankful Thursday

smudge...."Oh Boy are we HAPPY! Not only did the biped go to the big city yesterday and get us some Temptations, she even brought Uncle home without murdering him, which is really good news cuz if she had she'd be in jail munching on our Temptations."

smudge...."Another reason we're thankful is cuz Spring has finally found its way to the ozarks."

smudge...."The daffodils are blooming, along with the hyacinths and fancy iris

smudge...."Another reason we know that it's spring is cuz the frogs are singing their love songs up by the pond. It won't be long till the biped's going to be up there trying to take pictures of da baby frogs (tadpoles)."

smudge...."Oh and the bestest reason dat we're thankful! Da biped bought a bottle of shampoo at the Temptation store. And everyone knows dat cats don't need shampoo so dat must mean dat dumb and dumber are going to get a bath."

Monday, March 29, 2010

Red Cat Society

smudge....."Hey guys! There's a new organization starting up. I heard about it on one of da biped's favorite blogs,Duck and Wheel wif String. It has sumpthing to do wif a Red Cat Society."

heesh...."Why would we care about a red cat society see'n as we're all black, grey or white."

smudge....."You're furgetting our loverly sisfur Joya."


smudge...."Furzilla! Course you'd forget about her. She hasn't ripped patches of your fur out like she did me."

heesh...."So how is this society going to help us, see'n as we're really more the hillbilly type of cat and not the red hat type.

smudge...."Well you see, I wrote dat nice lady over at the Duck place and sented dis cute photo of (ahem) sweet Joya Amabella."

smudge....."And wif any luck at all dey'll give her away as a prize or sumthing."

heesh....."I sure hope dat whoever wins her has good health insurance or at least a lot of bandaids.

Get along little doggie...

biped...."We are a bit confused by Smudge's behavior. We suspect that he must of been a dog in a previous life. Poor Heesh cannot go anywhere without Smudge herding him."

biped....."We're not sure if smudge thinks that Heesh is a big black and white cow which must be herded to and fro."

biped....."Or if Smudge is practicing for his next life when he's going to be a seeing eye dog. Here he's moved to the other side of Heesh and (firmly) nudged him with his head to get heesh to change directions. Most of the time heesh plays along, but occassionally hetries to sneak by smudge without being seen."

biped...."Yeah you're right, it doesn't work very often. (If you notice in the last picture he has his head pressed into Heesh ample mid section."

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sunday on the Farm...

biped...."Everyone should have at least a couple chickens. I know most people think that God put them on earth to provide us Sunday dinners and eggs, but I think those people never met a real chicken.
The true reason God created the chicken was to cure depression. You can exchange your prozac for a couple chickens and a bowl of left over spagetti and get better results with the chickens than the pills.. Put the spagetti in with the chickens and watch the race begin. Even if there's a pound of spagetti its always the same. Chicken one grabs a strand and starts running. All of a sudden the chickens take off after the one with a strand of spagetti hanging out of its mouth. Around and round they run till it's either eaten or dropped and whoosh another peice is grabbed and the race is on again.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

How are we supposed to sleep?

heesh....."When the Cat Whapper was last mentioned, sister Sheesh was in the jaws of death. Her life hanging by a thread so to speak."

heesh...."In the last week, sister sheesh has escaped from the jaws of death and the biped has tried to devise some kind of liar with strings strung back and forth. We do have to admit it was a bit fun to watch the biped freak out when we faked laying down on her strings."

heesh...."Da biped says that her playing with strings is called warping and it has to be done before she can weave anything on her new loom. All we know is that every time we got compfy on da bed, the biped would be twirling dat monster thing around to get at the shiny silver things. Poor smudge has a big dent in his floof from where it hit him."

heesh...."Finally about 4 am the cussing stopped and the biped yelled YEEHAW and the monster started trashing back and forth. In no time at all she had about six inches of fabric woven."

heesh...."So folks, here's what four hours of missing sleep gets you. Da biped says its called a sampler and dat she needs to do more of it before she actually puts good threads on the Cat Whapper."

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Alternative nip

biped....."They have pineapples on sale at Aldi's for .99c!"

ollie....."But what about nip?"

biped....."Aldi's doesn't have nip, but they have pineapples for .99c."

ollie...."sniff. sniff. hmmmmm. It doesn't smell like nip."

ollie....."Nom, Nom, hmmmm, nom, nom nom! This ain't too bad."

smudge....."Looks like da biped should of sprung for a second pineapple for herself."

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

wordless Wed.

smudge...."That's right cousin cody. Rub it in. You gots nip and we don't"

smudge...."You just wait cousin. Our grandma has promised to grow us half an acre of nip on our farm."

heesh...."And we're going to keep it all to ourselves."

sheesh...."Well maybe we'll save a little for our bloggie friends."

Monday, March 22, 2010

Our New Cat

biped...."This is the center square of my round robin quilt. The cat kiids are a bit miffed dat it didn't come to life. They were real excited about having a new cat."

No pictures,,, yet

ollie...."No new pictures today. Biped complained dat the batteries were dead. So carry them out to the car and put them in the charger we said."

heesh..."And did she move? No way. She's grown roots to the chairs. One in the kitchen in front of the sewing machine that threatens to attach our tails to one of the million pillow cases she's doing for charity. It's really not a million but it just feels like it. She's making 50 pillow cases to give to a rest home for Easter. She's got 34 done along with some done for the Hansel auction this week (we think)."

ollie...."And then she said she's making us a cat. She's taking snippets of fabric and is trying to glue one together. Check back this afternoon and you may see a picture of the new cat., course that picture depends a lot on A. the biped getting out of bed., B, her waddling out to the car with the batteries for the camera., and C. Her finishing the cat and not jumping to yet another project like the new loom which is almost warped for a sample project.

ps... "we got new food and kitty litter. Just da staples da biped said. We've never ate staples before but there's a first time for everything."

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Here's some Nip, there's some nip....

biped...."sigh, everywhere there's nip nip."

biped...."on the sofa."

biped..."there is nip on the cats."

biped...."There's nip in my bed. on the floor. I have nip covered dogs (they could care less). I also have the secret to WHY cats love Yeoooow nip bananas."

biped...."They are totally stuffed with nip. Not with nip scented cotton balls, but with about a cup of the real stuff."

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Carnage in the Ozarks

heesh...."Why did he do it?"

smudge...."I think he really is innocent. My bet is that dumb or dumber chewed the end off."

heesh....."I don't care who ate it. It means we're both nip-less and Temptationless."

smudge...."I don't know if I can go on. The sight of our banana in that dirty ole trash can."

heesh...."I think I'll wake sheesh up and have her go whap the doggies."

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Automatic cat whapper arrives...

ollie...."hmmmm, wonder what these shiny things are. They sure look like they'd be fun to whap."
biped...."Mom get him out of there before he bends them!"

ollie...."Gosh biped, it appears that you've got a major attitude problem."

biped....reading...."hmmmm, losely secure castle braces with 3 trusshead machine screws...."

twenty minutes later.

biped...."Dang I can't find the fr#%ken screws."

half hour later.....
biped...."they couldn't be, could they?"

mom...."Were they under heesh?"

biped...."No but I did find the missing screw driver."

((the missing screws were in the cat in a box bed along with ollie. You know, lets put them in a "safe" place"))

sheesh...."I don't care what she says. This thing is definetly some type of torture machine."

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Happy Birthday to White Dog's Mom

ollie...."Today we let Dumb and Dumber have a post cuz their friend "White Dog"'s Mom's birthday is today. She's donating .25c for every comment to her favorite American Eskimo Rescue group. Please check out White Dog's blog and wish her Mom a Happy Birthday. White Dog is very lucky because she isn't a rescue but her brand new brother Quinn is a Reskie Eskie."

Princess...."Both Angel and I are Reskie Eskie's. We came from a group called Heart Bandits who has branches all over the United States. I was rescued in California and sister Angel (dumber) came from Kansas City. Here are pictures of typical eskie reskies."

Princess...."These doggies were rescued from a puppy mill in Sept. 09. There were 369 eskie's rescued that day."

Princess....."Because we like stories with happy endings we wanted to show what happens when rescued doggies get united with good peoples."

ollie...."What are all those peoples and dumb doggies doing?"

Princess..."They're all lined up for the St. Patrick Days Parade in St. Louis."

ollie...."Why didn't you go to the parade this year?"

Princess...."Cuz da biped had a silly sewing class. But she said dat she would donate a green paper for the first 25 comments on our blog today to the St. Louis chapter of Heart Bandits

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Why did I think that?

biped...."So there I was, working on the new "landscaping" of my farm. Joya had been out of her room well over an hour. I'd washed the cat snot off my glasses not once but twice during her excersize period. I had just thought "boy Joya is being good today" (why did I think that?) when all of a sudden there was a shreik behind me and this thing."

biped...."A cat named Super Wimp!"

smudge...."How fickle you are biped. If Furzilla whapped you like she does me you'd be hiding too."

A Kind Woman (Sucker) Lives here...

biped...."Last week I got the Cat Lady reward on my facebook farm. It's made me giggle for a whole week. I doubt that any of you young'ns know this but back in the "first" depression the hobos had a "sign" language. Using whatever they had, they'd carve, mark with a chunk of coal messages for other hobos. The universal sign for a kind woman (sucker) who would give them a meal was a cat scrawled on a fence post, mail box etc."

biped...."So there I was, Sunday morning out in the backyard with a two gallon bucket of birdseed and corn when all of a sudden I look up and I'm surrounded by jabbering birds. The woodpeckers are hanging off the pine trees waiting for me to get the suet feeder refilled. Lbj's (little brown jobbers) swarmed in as I tossed the corn on the ground. Just about then the thought of Cat Lady award came to my mind. Obviously the wood peckers have tattoed a couple of trees out in the forest with a "kind woman" lives here sign."

ps... btw, the turkey count is now well above 15 a day now. Our orginal five have invited half the county over to eat our corn.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Tail Tuesday....

biped...."Oh yeah...It's definetely tail Tuesday.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Real Men Can Wear Pink...

biped...."Or in this case, lay on it.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Happy Birthday to Chloe and Daphne!

ollie...."(in whiny voice) Smudge! It keeps saying "Your card has been declined"."

smudge...."Isn't declined when you're laying down?"

ollie...."No that's reclined."

smudge...."Maybe you should use another card. What are you buying anyway?"

ollie...."French purrfume for Chloe. It's her birthday."

smudge...."Wow thats cool. Hey dat other card says "insuffient funds" Dat doesn't sound good."

ollie....sniffling..."What are we going to do? It's her birthday. We can't even send her a bag of temptations."

smudge...."Grandma! What are we to do? Da biped's spent all her green papers and we can't buy purrfume for Chole and Daphne."

grandma....."Maybe you can go out in the yard and pick her some flowers, or perhaps make her a card."

ollie...."I hope she doesn't think that we're cheapskates."
smudge...."I hope NTM turns the computer on so they can see the card."

ps....there really is a perfume that's called "OH MY CAT". It's a wonderful airy fragrance.

Our New Award...

biped...."Below is our new award dat we got from Monty Grey Cat and Two Fat Cats."

smudge....pokes da biped wif his sharp claws.

biped...."Smudge quit dat. Why are you being mean?"

smudge..."Biped, where's your manners? You called our new friends "fat."

biped...."Silly boycat. I'm not saying that they're fat. That's the name of their blog. It's kinda like my favorite show Ugly Betty. Ugly Betty really isn't ugly."

smudge..."Oh biped, you forgot something. You forgot to list your 12 favorite blogs."

biped..."I didn't forget that part. I've seen what happens when you list 12 favorite anythings. Number 13 always gets mad at you."

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Coming soon to the Ozarks!

ollie...."Look at our Temptations and stinky goodness below."

ollie..."What do you mean? You don't see any stinky goodness? You see a strange contraption that kinda looks like a guillotine?"

ollie..."Anyone want to quess what it is? It costed more than da biped's first car and second car combined."

ollie..."And you know what is the worstest thing? Da biped's cleaning out da bedroom so it will fit in there. How are we going to sleep with that thing clacking away.?!"

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Ozark Cat Patio

biped...."One of our fellow catlovers is having troubles with her escape artist cat. It appears that she's living in a brick building with a fenced in wooden patio. My mission is to develope a catproof, fairly decent looking catio for her pet that should be named Hoodini.

I have been thinking of running my idea by you'all for quite some time. The goal is to build an sixish by 12ish foot enclousure for about fifty dollars. Since I am a lover of pvc pipe I show you the $8.00 Ozark garden gate."

biped. It's made with one peice of pvc pipe $1.29 and two metal fence posts $2.69ish. The pvc is laid in the sun and allowed to "warm" up. One end is then attached to one fence post. The fat biped climbs up on a ladder and slowly bends the pvc pipe towards the second pole. Grandma stands on ground and prays pipe doesn't break, or that the biped doesn't hit her when she falls off the ladder. Grandma holds end of pipe till biped jumps down and manuvers the end of the pvc pipe against the second fence post. Grandma "wires" the pvc to the pole to free up da biped's hands. Then biped uses those plastic wire holders

The "wire" holders can be bought at Lowesish places and are used to hold up wires around desks so people don't trip on them.

Now use your imagination on how to adapt my Ozark garden arch into an enclosure. Go back to the brick building with the wood fence. Please forgive the crudy photoshopping but hopefully you'll get the point. My shed becomes the brick building, the metal fence post is then replaced with a wooden fence.

You would need to know the exact length of the fence in order to purchase the correct amount of pvc pipe. Also you would want a test peice of pvc and a helper to determine the length of pipe needed to form the "arch" that goes from the brick wall to the top of the fence. The helper would stand on a short ladder or chair and butt one end of the pipe against the brick about eight feet from the ground. The other helper would hold the other end of the pipe against the fence. If your patio is only six feet deep one peice should work. If the patio is eight feet then you'd need to join two peices of pvc together with a joiner thingy. (about .49c). You want the pipe to arch in order to be able to walk out your patio door without hitting your head. When you find the "perfect" arch for you, mark and cut your pvc pipe.

If your patio is 8 to ten feet long you would need two peices to form the arches. Pvc pipe is 10 feet long. It can be cut with a hack saw, or if you know your measurements and can bat your eye lashes (like I can) you can get the nice Lowe's guy to cut it for you. If your patio is over 10 feet long, get back with me and I'll explain more.

What you'll be doing is building a rectangular framework on which to put some sort of shade cloth. It comes in many thicknesses and is made of almost non-distructable nylon. You can sew it on a sewing machine to form pockets thru which the pvc pipe can be passed. Or you can fasten it on with velcro or you can purchase pvc clamps that will clamp it to the pvc pipe. The shadecloth is going to be the most expensive part of the project. It blocks the sun thus keeping the patio cooler but it's porous so the air (cool and hot) can escape.

One end of the rectangle shade will be attached to the fence and the other will be attached to the building. Since it's a brick building I would suggest contacting a friendly Lowe's person as to what method to use to attach it.

There is also a way to Form end caps to make the enclosure completely cat proof.