..."Inspector Ollie here making sure that all the ingredients get in da bowl and not in da biped or worse yet, Dumb and Dumber.
"Above is a picture of all the ingredients, except for da mayonaise." "Da biped is making enough Quacamole for 3 people so she got 2 huge avocados. You'll notice in the picture below dat there is no brown spots (bruises). This is because she got the hard ones and let them ripen naturally."
"She cut da avocado's in half, and then scooped dem out wif a big spoon and put dem in da bowl. She threw da pits in da compost bucket. (Some peoples tell you to put da pits in da bowl to keep da quacamole from turning brown but dats an old wives tale."
"She takes a pinch of da cilantro and chops it up very finely. It plays a big part in flavoring da quacamole, but is rather strong if you get a big chunk." "Dat goes into da bowl along wif a clove to two of garlic which has been crushed on cut up really really teensy."
"For our "dip" she put less than a tablespoon of the cilantro." If Cilantro was a character in a play, she would have a walk on part. You can see her, but she's in da background."
So to refresh,
you have a bowl wif two avocado's, a pinch of cilantro (finely chopped), garlic and then you cut your lemon in half and squeeze (carefully no Seeds Please) about a teaspoon over the ingredients in da bowl. Do the same wif da lime. Cut in half squeeze about a teaspoon." These two characters (Lemon & Lime) are walk on's too. Dey give a little flavor and keep your quacamole pretty green.
"Then da biped cuts up da jalapeno and puts it in da bowl. She cuts it very finely. She only wants da flavor and not da heat. This is why she doesn't give traditional ingredient measurements. Some like it hot and some not so its up to da cook."
At dis point da biped takes da potato smasher thingy and mashes it all together. She doesn't want Grandma to take a big ole dip and get a whole bunch of peppers or cilantro.
"Da yummies in da bowl have all been mixed together and da biped adds about three quarters of da tomato. This is where our recipe varies from da resteraunt ones. Da biped was taught to make quacamole by a real authentic Mexican. Now she's not sure if he learned how to make it from a real Mexican or perhaps he really wanted to bug his mother and added tomatos to aggravate her but whatever it was, it makes da quacamole come to life!" "She also cuts up and adds da green onions. She likes da smaller, younger green onions and uses two or three tops and just a little of da white part. You quessed it, da onion only has a minor role too." She adds a couple heaping tablespoons Pace Picante Salsa and three or four huge tablespoons mayo.
"She gives da lemon and lime another squeeze being sure no seeds fall in and then mixes it all together. She adds a little black pepper. If she's going to serve it with low/no salt chips she adds a little salt. If she's using regular chips she skips da salt."
"She stirs it up and den squeezes a little lemon juice on top. She's still working wif half da lemon. She then wipes da sides of da bowl so there's no chance for it to turn brown. She says to stir it one more time just before you serve it."
"Refrigorate da lime, lemon, cilantro, and extra onions in a plastic bag because you'll be using them again if you're going to make da chicken tacos." "Purrz, Ollie!"
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